Therapist Discusses the ‘Parenting Mistake’ Known as ‘Protection’ and Its Impact on Millennials

In a recent TikTok video, Mary Beth Somich, a millennial therapist with over a decade of experience as a licensed clinical mental health counselor, brought to light a significant generational barrier in communication regarding health matters between Baby Boomer parents and their adult children. This discussion has sparked widespread engagement online, resonating with many individuals who have felt the emotional weight of such family dynamics.

Somich, 34, prompted her audience on December 6 to reflect on the tendency of parents born between 1946 and 1964 to withhold crucial health information from their children. Engaging her viewers through reenactment, she illustrated how a parent might delay informing their adult child about a serious health event. For instance, she posed a conversation in which a parent abruptly reveals, “Your dad had open-heart surgery today,” only to follow up with justifications for the late disclosure. According to Somich, this behavior is rooted in a cultural legacy among Boomers that regards independence and self-reliance as paramount virtues.

The prevailing ethos of the Baby Boomer generation often equates love with provision and protection rather than emotional openness or vulnerability. As Somich articulated, “Many boomers grew up believing that love is shown through providing and protecting, not through verbal affirmation or vulnerability.” However, this cultural norm may inadvertently foster feelings of betrayal, anger, and mistrust among Millennial and Gen Z children.

Research supports these observations; a 2019 study published in The Lancet highlighted that parents facing serious health conditions frequently struggle with how to communicate their circumstances to their children, often aiming to shield them from distress. Yet, children are typically more perceptive than parents might assume. The lack of candid discussion can lead to a deteriorating trust between the generations, compounding the emotional burden of such health crises.

In her video titled “Respectfully, why?”, Somich stresses that adult children deserve open communication about family health matters. Ignoring this need in an effort to “protect” them can often yield the opposite effect, creating a rift that undermines relationships. Online responses to Somich’s video echo similar sentiments, with users expressing frustration over their parents’ reluctance to share personal health updates while freely discussing lesser concerns.

Somich’s insights raise vital questions about the evolving expectations of parental communication and emotional transparency. As families navigate these conversations, acknowledging the emotional landscape of both generations will be essential in fostering healthier relationships and understanding.

In today’s fast-paced society, the ability to communicate openly can create a foundation of trust and resilience within families. Moving forward, it could be advantageous for parents of all generations to consider the emotional needs of their adult children and practice vulnerability, thereby enriching familial bonds.